Of the three pillars of happiness, nutrition might be my favourite one to discuss. While I grew up exercising and have paid increasing attention to sleep over the years, nutrition was the first pillar I fucked up in. It took me three major fuckups to realise what was missing and finally change my habits, but I got there, with glorious results. And by exploring where I went wrong, I hope to save you the trouble and let you skip right to the good stuff.
The first fuckup: following wives’ tales about good diarrhea diets
The first time I ate like shit was when I was shitting myself. In 10th grade, with a nasty spell of diarrhea, I listened to the household’s resident health expert: mum. Her advice was to eat nothing but salty sticks* and coke. Dad mostly concurred: just stick to bland foods, like bread and rice. I was thrilled! I got to stay home from school AND eat nothing but my favourite junk foods/avoid disgusting vegetables!
A few days in, however, I felt flat. Even after sleeping well, I felt cloudy, with no energy to do anything. Even watching movies was a chore. I tried rehyrdration salts to counter the water loss, but still nothing. We quickly realised I barely had vitamins – for days. I took a multivitamin and, lo and behold, I felt better!
Lesson learned: vitamins are important. It’s not just the boring stuff going on behind the scenes; miss out on enough, and you feel like shit.
The second fuckup: a high school graduate left to his own devices
Two years later, I graduated from high school. As was the tradition, I traveled abroad with all my friends.** What I didn’t realise until I got there (being so preoccupied with daydreams of drinking and jet-skiing and sex), was that, without our parents to rely on, we’d have to make our own food!
On day 1, we went shopping, and got tonnes of food typical for unsupervised 18-year-olds: pasta, bread, and rice. We did also get some meat and a few fruits, but upon learning that they’re more expensive, my subsequent shops devolved into just the carbs. Besides the occasional times we cooked as a group or ate out, all my meals were ham and cheese toasties with ketchup. Every. Single. One. For 10 days straight.
Over that span of time, I quickly felt the effects. I caught a cold, one so severe that even on this once-in-a-lifetime trip, 18-year-old me opted to stay home while my mates were having the time of their lives. One of said mates asked me whether I ate any fruits on the trip, which, like a seaman travelling to America, I hadn’t. Of course, other factors like daily drinking and barely sleeping also contributed. But the point is, food plays a role.
Lessons learned:
- Your body’s need for vitamins doesn’t take a vacation when you do – eating well is always important. Treating yourself might be a tempting part of a trip, but without at least some good food, you can forget enjoying the partying.
- Eating poorly for even a few days can make you catch diseases more easily and be affected more severely
- Food alone may not be sufficient (you also need good sleep and less poison), but it sure as hell is necessary.
The final fuckup: A whole year of college
Shortly after this trip, I commenced my Psychology degree in the UK. For my first year, I lived on campus, which meant canteen breakfast and dinner was included. For dinner, we’d get one serving of the main, along with as many sides as we could stack on our plates. The main meal changed every day, while the sides always consisted of dry-ass vegetables and every form of deep-fried potatoes in existence: Wedges, fries, waffle fries, you name it.
While I knew well enough by now to at least have some of those mushy peas and rock-hard carrots with every meal, I grabbed the smallest handful I could justify, while increasing the amount of chips, ketchup, and mayonnaise with every meal. Up to that age, most of my calories would go towards my bodily growth, so weight gain was never something I grappled with. I was also a sporty motherfucker, and thought that would sort me out – I played soccer, did push-ups, and went on frequent treadmill runs during which I burned 900 calories.
But when my body stopped growing up, it grew chonky. I didn’t see it at the time – it was a gradual change. But the year ended and I returned home, to my parents’ warm welcome of “Gee, you put on some weight!” Struggling to fit into my old pants, I realised they had a point.
But the cosmetics were only half the issue. Way before I noticed any weight gain, I caught a cold which lasted almost the entire year. It varied in severity, but it was always there, nose at least slightly blocked. On top of my immune system, my bowels also took notice.
It all culminated on a spontaneous trip to Amsterdam. It was like a dream come true: get high and eat nothing but burgers, fried rice, and donuts! I was in heaven! It seemed weird to me that Shaun, my travel buddy, had the occasional salad or quinoa bowl, but hey ho: to each their own.
Well, on day 2 of my kebab and candyfloss-based diet, my stomach hurt. BAD. I had to shit like never before, but not even all in one go. Randomly throughout the day, I’d have to suddenly go, and Shaun heard it all. “Dude, you were really chowin’ “, he remarked about my meals. When even people my age were judging my eating habits, I knew it was time for change.
Lessons learned:
- Eating poorly for even a few days can make you catch… fuck, I should know this by now. Now I can add to that knowledge: expanding those “few days” to an entire year doesn’t make it any better. You can learn this quicker than me!!
- Seemingly small choices made daily quickly add up. Whether your value looking good or feeling good more highly, they tend to go hand in hand.
- Whether at a buffet or a year of college meals, it’s tempting to think of making the most of what you paid for in advance by sticking to the yummiest foods, but it’s time to re-think what “making the most” of something is. If you stick to the healthy stuff and feel great, your money didn’t go to waste for not treating you. Feeling great is the value.
Throughout this post, you read about some pretty extreme examples of poor eating. The danger here is to think “Too easy! As long as I don’t behave quite as badly as this jack-ass, I can avoid the worst!” and not make any changes. Sure, you won’t feel like absolute shit, but you’ll miss out on the magical side I didn’t even touch on in this post: the upside.
My whole life, a rocking bod was a source of pride and joy. When it was in danger of changing, shit became real. That Summer, I made some big changes. Not all of them were smart ones, but they all made me look and feel better than ever , and launched my quest of actually knowing what I’m doing when it comes to food. I’ll tell you all about what I changed, why, what worked, and what didn’t. So once again, you can skip to the good stuff, and still feed your curiosity about what happens when you do the bad stuff.
*I add this note because my partner once asked me, “What the fuck are salty sticks?” Think of the salty mini pretzels you get at the supermarket, except long and… well, a stick. But many. They’re pretty popular in Germany, where I lived at the time.
**In our school, which was fairly American, this was called the Senior Trip. In Australia, it’s known as Schoolies – I’m sure there are other variations in other countries.