In case you're new: Thankful Thursdays is a series in which, every Thursday, I write about one thing I'm thankful for. Whether it's something as grand as the time we live in, or as specific about the way , nothing is off limits. Check out my intro post for more on why I'm doing this, and how it might help you too.
With my first few Thankful Thursday posts being dedicated mostly to items of various sorts, it’s high time to start showing gratitude for the people in my life. While I’m excited to explore the ways in which I’m grateful for people I may not be that close to (I think we all learn things from everyone, whether consciously or not), I’d like to start off with an obvious one: My parents.
There’s no way I can do justice to both of them in one post, so, at random (he diplomatically added), I’ll start with dad. There’s still no way I can do justice to all he’s done for me in a single post, so, just like Wonders of the Day & Age We Live In, this shall become a (potentially endless) series for both mum and dad.
In this first installment, I want to highlight something that’s opened endless doors for me: Speaking English. A lot of us do, and it’s not necessarily anything special. But my family is German. To be fair, most German kids learn English at school anyway, and many learn to speak it fairly fluently when they grow up and need it for their jobs. Dad is one of those people, and his English is fantastic, the odd funny enunciation notwithstanding (pronouncing “giraffe” “ji-raff-ee”.
But no matter how good his English now, it wasn’t his mother tongue. My point being, even with great skill, it’s an effort to consistently speak it. Sometimes, you have no choice, as when dealing with Aussies in the 80s like he did. But when you do have the choice, as when speaking with a fellow bilingual, it’s that much more of an effort to speak it. You don’t have to. And yet, he spoke nothing but English with me, from the day I was born up to today.
That effort, to me, is massive. It also paid huge dividends. Perhaps I’d have reached fluency throughout my education and my career anyway, but I’m not just fluent. I’m a native. I think in English. That level of comprehension and speech allows me to not only live, but thrive in places like the UK and Australia (and perhaps one day Canada or the U.S.). Sure, culture involves more than just language, but at a native level of the language is a strong foundation for learning everything else.
The fact that I’m not even sure I’d do the same with any theoretical future kids I may have is a testament to just how big an effort it is. I love the idea of having bilingual kids, but the idea of consistently speaking in my less dominant language (and thus being slower, less able to express myself, and less confident as a person) does scare me. On the other hand, if I embrace the stoic worldview, I could see that as yet another fun challenge to embrace.
My upbringing led to the occasional funny encounter with German guests. If we hosted friends of mum or dad, or went out together, the guests would pick up on our English conversations, and talk to me in English. I’d explain, in fluent German, that that’s not necessary, which often confused the hell out of them. Old habits die hard.
As you can see by my description, there has been an opportunity cost: my German not being quite as solid. I’m fluent at speaking and comprehending, but I miss certain social nuances. I simply feel more natural starting conversations with strangers in English than in German. Given that I am German but am sometimes seen by Germans as an outsider can make me feel like a bit of an impostor. But I can also see it the other way round: I’m a native in one of the dominant languages of the world, and happen to speak this bonus language, even if not perfectly, that lets me understand people and shows and movies in Germany, Austria, and parts of Switzerland.
The fact is, had dad not done that, I’d be a different person. That’s not necessarily saying much, because a lot of things might make you a different person. Perhaps I’d have been super happy being a German native and speaking adequate English. This isn’t about one thing being better than another, however. I just want to show how grateful I am for the things I have, and in this case, that’s all the beautiful, funny, sad, and joyful memories I made with English, American, Australian friends and co-workers, plus everyone else I was able to communicate with by way of our common understanding of English. There’s all the books and blogs and movies that I got to fully understand. And then of course, there’s the stuff I create myself – from my work to this very blog.
Dad benefited from this effort too. Over time, the effort became less and less intense, as he practiced his English and eventually could even learn the odd thing from me, a true native. At some point, it’s become equally natural for him. While I’m glad he got something out of it as well, that doesn’t change the fact that it was an effort he chose to commit to, with dividends only paying off after a long time.
As always, other factors have contributed to my English. Growing up in a mix of Singapore and Australia, and going to international schools when I was in non-English speaking countries like Germany, I of course learned a lot. They’re also things I’m grateful for, and may even write more deeply about in their own post. But dad laid the foundation which let me thrive in these places too. So thanks, dad. It means a lot.